It’s official. My love for Bonobo’s stuff is official. After about a couple of months listening to Black Sands and Animal Magic and moving on to the rest of his albums, I’ve realized I’ve fallen for those inspiring tunes. They are always picturing things in my mind, and are perfect for one of my favorite things to do: chill. Chilling is great. Chilling with some Bonobo playing is just perfect. Hope you find it inspiring too.
Today I woke up, feeling blessed as ever. Yesterday, my sister and brother-in-law planned me a surprise 21st birthday event. Let me start off by saying that it is VERY difficult to surprise me because I’m pretty much the mastermind of all surprises. I rock at it. (Hit me up if you need a surprise party to be thrown). Anyways, I walk into my backyard with a great variety of friends. To those who showed up- I am so grateful for your presence. And to those who brought me a little gift; it meant the world. I don’t think I have received birthday gifts for years now.
I’m kind of still in shock that this happened. I don’t know why, but it means SO much to me. I just can’t stop repeating my grateful thanks to this grand gesture. I don’t think I’ve ever been showered with so much love.
'Tis 2am and I'm just sitting here. Just finished complaining to Lawz about how it sucks being a girl because of all the things we do to make ourselves look good. Gotta do the hair, makeup, outfit, nails, shoes, and a whole bunch of other things that I can forever complain about. I don't know, this stuff should be fun to me, but it's not. I view it like a chore. A chore I have to do everyday because I would feel disgustingly ugly without it. I guess the main topic I'm trying to get at is the concept of makeup. I struggle with it. I resisted it until recently. Started wearing it on the daily during mid second year of college. I want/like to wear it cause it makes me look all pretty. I don't want to wear it because I feel like it cheats the system. Maybe a pretty girl who's all dolled up will get extra chocolate in her frappe or earns better tips at a restaurant. But what about the next girl who isn't as well groomed as the first? She'll get treated differently and that's not fair.
Maybe I often (in too many situations) play the victim. I think it comes with that heavy weight I’ve carried over the years of being insecure. It haunts me. I think I’ve gotten better this past year, but the feelings are still there. Even if Ryan Gosling came up to tell me I was the most beautiful girl in the world, I’d probably say shut the fuck up or something.
I think this idea triggered because I got my new license in the mail and I look horrible. Reminds me of how unphotogenic or fugly I am. Or how the DMV sucks at taking pictures. Fuck the DMV.